What they died for...or...I KNEW it would be Jack!

So...we skipped blogging for an episode or so...the Losties have been busy but still committed to the show. I wont mention the Jacob/MIB episode except to say that I called it, I knew Jacob wasn't really all that good. Frankly, the scene where he was weaving a rug and asking his mother what she thought of it was enough to make me despise him forever...and poor smokey/MIB, imagine having your mother try to kill you and then have your brother actually do it.
I can summarize with the following equations:
Smokey x Troubled/genuinely conflicted = Person I want to sleep with.
Jacob x Oedipal issues/fratricide (rug weaving)= Douchebag I would enjoy breaking up with.

I'm not going to do a recap of the last episode, I'm only going to posit my major theory of the week and actually it will be my last theory so I hope I'm right. Here we go...
Does anyone else out there think that Desmond in the alternate timeline is actually the MIB/Smokey/Flocke? Maybe far-fetched but those of you who were paying attention to the last episode will note that at the end it was made clear that MIB/Smokey/Flocke was going to need Desmond in order to get off the island. This one detail doesn't back up my theory but what does back it up is that every time Desmond appears in the alternate timeline he has Smoke Monster music underscoring his entrance into a scene. We only ever hear that music when the Smoke Monster or Flocke appears, so it would be odd for Desmond to have that music if it wasn't a clue.

I knew it was going to be Jack, Psalm 23 and all that...still not sure what Ben's really up to though and I can't wait to find out what Desmond means by trying to get Locke to "Let go"...WTF?

So glad "the poor man's Tina Fey" Zoe was killed and Widmore too...bout time. What about Richard Alpert? Do you think he's dead? Will he come back?
Also, Eloise Hawking? I want to hear theories on the time witch...what do you think?
The Oceanic 7 are planning a big night for the finale...with cameo and special guest appreances by persons throughout the Lost watching Diaspora...I can't wait...the TV is ginormous...the times will be nice.

The Candidate...or...Don't watch this unless you have a stuffed animal to clutch

I can't really write about this episode...The Oceanic 7 had to take a break this week because some of us are in a play. It was really difficult to be away from our little family but I ended up being happy that I had to watch it alone because I wept like a wild baby....and no one wants to see me do that...I'm not one of those people who can "cry pretty". Next week uptown at the Hurt Locker hatch...with a gigantic TV maybe...all good.

dwall

LOST Tarot cards...ummm...awesome.

Thanks TM for sending!
dwall

Quantum Kissing...or...Every dude wants a crazy bitch

So...Libby's back. This was a nice episode, it's good to see Hurley get some. I'm not going to bother to mention the bucket o' chicken...we've all had those days...I wont lie I'm intrigued by the commercials for the KFC Double Down...but I'm not going to eat one...even if I do get stood up. I'm just mega-confused as to why a gabillionaire like Hurley is single...instead of chicken he could buy a bucket o' woman, right? Whatever, I was pleased to see him and Libby fulfill their destiny and pleased for the crazy bitches of the world...proving my long held notion that dudes DO in fact dig psycho women. The quantum kiss on the beach was good, Saggi got very excited at that moment.

Genius moment of the week goes to P-Rod who literally one second before Ilana got blown up said "I can't wait for that bitch to die!" Hurley got the bag of Jacob ash...maybe that's what's preventing all the air traffic in Europe?

Michael made his return to apologize for killing Libby and tell us that the whispers were the dead people on the island. 'Kay. Goodbye character that we don't really care about anymore...thanks for checking in and clearing up a minor mystery.

Richard, Ben and Miles took off for the plane to try and blow it up and

Hurley convinced everyone else to go to Flocke's camp after the dynamite incident.

At camp Flocke, Sawyer and Kate were pissed and wanted to go find Jin. Sayid came back with Desmond and Flocke dragged him out to the jungle where they had the convo about fear...Desmond doesn't have any...Flocke seems scared of Desmond...hence the flinging of Desmond into the well. Don't worry he's not Deadsmond.

Zombie Sayid is sooooo great...can I just say that?

Oh and did you see Kate's face light up when Jack walked in with his Survivor tiki torch? That's the face I made too...because I love him so much...and I think our babies would be attractive.

The biggest scream of the night was obviously the last scene where in the alternate timeline Desmond ploughs into Locke in his wheelchair...maybe Flocke/Smocke has already gotten off the island in this timeline and Desmond has to kill him? Don't know.

We were in the tiny greek's hatch this week "The Clown Car" and there were a ton of dumplings...and more wine than anybody could drink...we're going back next week to finish it off.

God, I love Tuesdays!

dwall

Desmond Hume and the Caduceus Coil

Poor Desmond. They used him as a lab rat, and no one likes a rat.

While I don't condone the use of human test subjects, there's actually some mind-blowing science stuff going on here. I for one friggin' love science stuff.

Let me break it down for you...

This week's episode featured a strange and remarkable device. It was basically two huge copper coils facing each other. Now it can be easily deduced that we are dealing with large amounts of electromagnetic energy. Why? Because the whole damn thing was made of wood (no metal), even the chair they made Des sit on. Also, remember they asked him if he had any metal on him like loose change (to which he had a delightfully quippy response). Another bit of evidence was from the screen that geo-physicist (who is the poor man's Tina Fey) was looking at: the bottom of the display were the letters "EMF" which clearly stand for ElectroMagnetic Field. As we know, there has been A LOT of electromagnetic activity on the island and Des already survived a huge dose of EM energy when the hatch blew.

So what in science's name is going on here?

Have you ever heard of a scientist by the name of Nikola Tesla? Probably not... they don't talk about him in school and there are a million conspiracy theories about why that is so... regardless, the guy was a freakin' genius. His theories were centuries ahead of his time. He is best known for his work with electromagnetism (!). One of his major projects was the wireless distribution of electricity. Imagine all your household devices were powered by this technology... no unsightly extension cords! He designed the Tesla Coil to do exactly that... and, come to think of it... TC's look very much like the pylons used to keep the MIB out... interesting. Wireless power technology is just now being developed (I actually have a version of this tech, a "power mat" that charges my phone and other such devices wirelessly, and guess what- there's magnets in it) and Tesla invented his coil in 1891! Some of his lesser known experiments, however, involved time-travel and other such radical science. There is a "story" (unsubstantiated of course) about Tesla being hit with a huge electromagnetic charge and found himself outside of his time frame reference, being able to see the immediate past, present, and future all at once. His assistant turned off the machine right away, seeing that Tesla had been hit by the charge, and Tesla returned to his time frame.

Now on to the Caduceus Coil, which I believe is the large copper coils we saw (or at least some version of it). Apparently, by running enough juice through the coil, you can transmit electromagnetic waves at super-luminal velocities (read: faster than light). According to Einstein's theories, when EM waves are pushed faster than light, you move backward in time!

So here's what I think happened...

Desmond was shot back through time, but not just any time- he got shot back into a parallel past. We've seen the whole parallel time line happening, in the time-line where the island was sunk into the ocean. So how is it that Desmond went back in time into a universe that is parallel to his own? Surprise: I have an answer...

First of all, time travel is confusing as hell, isn't it? When you start getting into time paradoxes it makes your brain explode. Don't worry the (multi)universe actually protects itself from these paradoxes. Thanks universe! Scientists have theorized that you cannot travel back in time in your own universe, but that when you do, you enter a parallel universe. This way you can't negate your existence by traveling back in time and killing your grandfather (why would you do that anyway, you jerk!). This opens the door on the multiple universe theory, which basically says that there are an infinite number of parallel exisitences, so that anything that can happen will happen.

See this is where those jerks who detonated the bomb on the hatch dig site went wrong. They obviously had no understanding of how time works. They thought that they could change their own universe with their actions in the past. Foolish hot people! Did you not know that you WERE ALREADY IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND ANY ACTION YOU TOOK WOULD NOT AFFECT THE UNIVERSE YOU CAME FROM!??? Sagittarius is amused by your naivete.

So.....

Desmond, therefore, has traveled back in time to a parallel universe created by the detonation of the nuclear bomb on the island. BAM. How do we know he went back and not just sideways? Well, in the parallel universe, we see all their lives just after flight 815 lands (instead of crashing on the island) and in the original universe we see the time loooooooong after the plane crashes.

Now I would please ask you all for your theories about the "time-witch" (thanks P Rod). How the hell does Eloise know what's going on with Des???? That is some sinister shit right there.

Let me know what you think, because it baffles me.

Well sorry to go all Faraday on you there, but I got really excited when science came back to Lost. Oh and for another interesting "parallel" look up "Faraday's law of induction" and see how it relates to Tesla and the Caduceus Coil.

Ciao for now... until next week!

-Sagittarius

Desmond's A Celtic Supporter...And So Can You!

Yay!!!! Desmond! I am relaxing my Italian soccer player hair rule for this week only in honor of Desmond...but ONLY because he's scottish....AND more importantly a supporter of the greatest football team the world has ever known Celtic F.C. ...'Mon the Hoops!
...I think Saggi is going to do a real post about this episode...but let it be known that this was the BEST EPISODE EVER!!!! Absolutely fucking amazing...I'm going to have to watch it again...because I was embarrassingly drunk...I apologize to the Oceanic 7 for the excessive number of "I love you's" that were said...i mean all of them.

dwall

Four toed hippo and other such abominations

Well, I must say I think that the nail was hit right on the head with the Pandora bit. As the curious and direct Sagittarius I will now offer up a steaming plate of fresh speculation for you to chew on.

The statue: Thought by many to be the Egyptian god Anubis, who is associated with the underworld, it turns out this four-toed creature is actually the demon-goddess Taweret. I know, I know, who the hell is that? Well, for those of you who are too lazy to do a wikipedia search: Taweret is associated with fertility and child bearing (go figure). The Egyptians believed she protects the pregnant mother from evil spirits. She does this with... dun dun dun, "magic knives." Hmm where have we seen those before. Remember all the pregnancy problems on the island? Yeah, seems like Taweret stopped doing her work. Lazy, lazy Taweret.

Now let's see how far we can run with this one... Taweret was both a goddess and a demon, so maybe that's the whole "my mother was crazy bit" comes in (from MIB). She was also believed to be the mother of Osiris. You know Osiris, as in "The Legend of Osiris"

Basically Osiris ruled over the world and made sure everything was cool. Then his brother got jealous...

"Yet there was trouble. Proud Set, noble Set, the brother of Osiris, he who defended the Sun Boat from Apep the Destroyer, was unsettled in his heart. He coveted the throne of Osiris. He coveted Isis. He coveted the power over the living world and he desired to take it from his brother. In his dark mind he conceived of a plot to kill Osiris and take all from him. He built a box and inscribed it with wicked magic that would chain anyone who entered it from escaping."

Hmmm, sounds familiar. Another interesting bit of the legend is that Osiris' spirit enters his wife Isis and she bears a son Horus, who is HIDDEN AWAY ON AN ISLAND "far away from the gaze of his uncle Set." Horus eventually defeats Set and casts him into the darkness.

So who is who??? Is Jacob more like Osiris or Set or Horus, and which one is Locke/smokey/MIB?

Another interesting comparison of these two, which DWAL touched on last week, is the whole Jacob/Esau link. Again a pair of brothers, In the bible Jacob the younger steals inheritance from Esau with the help of his mother(!) and the two spend the rest of their lives fighting. For what it's worth remember Jacob's ladder (the biblical Jacob saw this in a vision) . It stretched to heaven and represented the exiles of the Jewish people (exiles aka castaways maybe).

The story of Jacob in the bible also has ties to Egypt as Jacob's son Joseph brings the whole family (who become the twelve tribes) to Egypt.

Fun stuff, I know, but what does this mean for LOST?? In my humble opinion, these parallels are just influences on the story. How many stories in the history of human mythology do we have about jealous brothers, crazy mothers, and the dichotomy of good vs. evil? Well, a lot.

I think the strongest link here is to Egypt, especially with Richard sporting the "Eye of Horus" look.

Possibilities:

A) The island is some sort of mythical portal to the afterlife and Jacob and "Smokey McGee" are the gatekeepers.

B) The island is a prison for misbehaving immortals. Jacob and Smokey pass the time by competing over lost souls (get it) whom they devour to gain sustenance.

C) A combination of A and B

D) J.J Abrams: Oh wait you internet addicted idiots, all of this is a giant rotten red-herring and you suckers fell for the bait. Way to go. It's not mythological at all, it's all science related. I tricked you with giant Egyptian statues and magic daggers. Booya.

That's all for now... Can't wait for this week's episode! Potato salad at the Tree House hatch!

-Sagittarius

OK...THEORIES...or "Pandora shut that jar!"

OK!!!! I have some theories...actually just one...but while doing some research on female hubris in the ancient world (I know, I know) I came up with the following: The last few episodes have really intrigued me for two reasons, the first being the monologue that Locke/Flocke/Smocke/MIB gave about his crazy mother, I was completely fascinated by that as you will note from my last post. The second being the unclear morality emerging between Jacob and MIB in the last episode. In that episode I was super confused because I couldn't tell who was good and who was evil...Yes, MIB is the smoke monster and he kills people but so does Jacob. Jacob is the one who made the Black Rock crash remember and sent all those poor people to their doom...not cool. The lame black and white symbolism of the two characters is what confuses the issue a bit...but neither of them is good or evil it seems. Clearly, the two of them have been playing some kind of game for eternity. Now here's my theory...what if MIB's mother is Pandora? Pandora, who you will remember unleashed evils upon the world when she opened the "box" which incidentally is translated better as "jar" or "bottle". When the jar was recapped the only thing that remained in it was Hope. From Hesiod: "Zeus decides to give men a punishing gift to compensate for the boon they had been given. He commands Hephaestus to mold from earth the first woman, a "beautiful evil" whose descendants would torment the race of men."

AND...

"Only Hope was left within her unbreakable house,
she remained under the lip of the jar, and did not
fly away. Before [she could], Pandora replaced the
lid of the jar. "

Now, I'm not going to blather on about the misogyny rampant in the Pandora story...although i'd like to. It is important to note that Pandora's children cast stones over their shoulders to create men and women (stone symbolism anyone?)

Anyways, you will remember the end of the last episode when Jacob and MIB spent some time blabbing about the bottle and what it contained and what Jacob wanted to keep inside, etc., etc., and then of course MIB shatters it...right. Abandon all hope people, LOST has only seven more episodes!!!!!!!!

Recon...or...Why yes, you should take that shirt off!

I'm looking at you Sawyer! I'm holding my beer in one hand and I'm fanning myself with the other. It's a good omen for an episode when the opening scene has a semi-naked Sawyer. I've also decided that it's OK for him to cry if he's shirtless....his hawtness brings tears to my own eyes so I wouldn't blame him at all for being overcome by himself...if I was a dude and I looked like that I'd spend all day crying and taking pictures of myself with my cellphone.
Anyway, enough of that. It was a great episode wasn't it? Even though the buddy cop idea of Sawyer and Miles was a little cheesy I didn't care, I happily went right along with it. I hate Charlotte, I was so pleased when her nosebleeds finally took her out last year and now she's back? Obnoxious English accent and everything? I did feel for her when he tossed her ass out for reading his secret hate scrapbook after he slept with her, I mean he should have written TOP SECRET on it, then she wouldn't have read it, right?
Back on the island his dealings with Widmore and Locke were great, clearly this episode is a set-up episode.
Clairousseau attacking Kate was awesome, the Oceanic seven were screaming for Locke to slap her, so we were glad when he did. This brings me to what I found to be the most interesting part of this episode, namely, who the hell is MIB/smokey's mother? The whole monologue about him having a crazy mother was so intriguing, I would really really like to hear theories on this. I have my own but they're all lame-ass jacob/esau biblically ones and I know there must be better ones out there. I quote:

"I know what you're feeling Kate. I know what you're going through because my mother was crazy...A long time ago, before I looked like this, I had a mother. Just like everyone. She was a very disturbed person and as a result of that I had some growing pains. Problems that I'm still trying to work my way through..."

WTF???? Who is his mother? Theories! Please!

Next week we get a look into Richard Alpert...thank god! Finally! Maybe some water/time proof makeup tips from him too!

The Oceanic Seven met at Tips hatch, where after some prodding MP drank a whole mega bottle of wine by herself...seriously...I didn't even have a sip.
This week the tiny greek is back and we will crowd her LES hatch. Yay!!!

Dr. Linus...Or...Dr. Lie Less

I LOVE Ben episodes...and I love redemption stories even more. So this was a juicy one for me.

Also, my lover Jack was back this week and is it just my imagination or is he getting even hotter? Maybe it was because he was with Hurley and Richard the whole time. I'm glad we finally heard a bit of Richard's story on The Black Rock, but I wish he'd explained how he's kept his make-up so perfect for hundreds of years...I need answers! I'm not sure how I feel about Richard's supernatural existential crisis and Jack's growing faith coming from the sketchy cosmogony with Jacob...but I'm reserving judgement till more 'splaining happens.

Back to Ben... apart from the fact that he was digging that impossibly perfect grave with a fucking bamboo shoot, I was enjoying myself. No one likes a snitch and I was surprised at Miles, a character I have come to love a lot, when Ilana handed him the bag of Jacob ash and he outed Ben. The Ben and Alexandra flash sideways was awesome...may I point out the inclusion of two cast members of the seminal eighties comedy Real Genius...not only did we have John Gries (Lazlo) but also William Atherton (Prof. Hathaway) as the Principal...awesome...Bobby S will have something to say about this. Will Val Kilmer be making a cameo? I'm getting excited by these alliances that are being drawn, Ilana's "I'll have you" moment was great. This is going to be an epic battle!!!!

The Oceanic Seven met at M's hatch in Bed Stuy "The Crack House". P-Rod became convinced that M's apt., which was indeed a former crack house, was infested with the ghosts of dead Crack Whores. His sixth sense could feel their presence and he was completely freaked out by it. All I could sense was M's nice Banana bread...

On the way home Tips and P-Rod were pigs...I'm writing this out loud to shame them...even the cab driver agreed with me...you bitches know what you did!

Next week uptown at Tips hatch "The Hurt Locker"...Z will be in LA...we will miss our tiny greek person.

Some seriously good-looking people!

Feast your eyes on these beauties!

Tippy's tuesday...

All the Single Ladies:...Tippy works with diamonds...he's single, a scorpio and likes ferrets (no euphemism)...and did I say he works with diamonds?...So if he liked it then he'd probably "Put a ring on it"...

-dwall

Sundown...or...Sayid backstory makes me want to Hurley

I don't have too much to say people...I admit it...Sayid has nice arms...but I'm not into dudes who have Italian soccer player hair so I give him a pass most days.

That said, this was definitely not my favorite episode as his backstory bores me.

I WAS glad to see the return of Kearny (if only briefly) because that actor scares the hell out of me. I am super interested in the Jin in the fridge storyline...can't wait to see how that turns out.

I was also pleased to see clear lines of alliance being drawn between Man In Black and Jacob people.

Claire and Kate: Well, Claire has been doing some "acting" and her evil face was quite impressive when she discovered that Kate actually had taken Aaron. I gave a little moo of relief towards the end when it picked up and the smoke monster/MIB/Locke showed up. The direction of the season seemed to get a bit clearer and I can imagine some brilliant story-lines coming as a result. Really, it's not an episode for me without Jack and Sawyer...I miss my Boos. Next week is a Ben centered episode, directed by Mario Van Peebles...Ummm...Ok.

The Oceanic Seven met at the Uptown hatch "The Fort", and drank too much as usual. Bobby S made a cameo appearance and kept saying the phrase "A Faustian bargain" while rubbing his chin, when Sayid met the MIB.

I still love you people!

-dwall

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Nate Robinson #4 new Celtics player via Twitter:

"Man the others in the show lost, they are make n me upset #wordaapp"

Me too Nate...me too...glad you're finally playing for a team that wins sometimes.

-QOTD submitted by Bobby S...who admits to caring about basketball too much.

Awesome!
The Oceanic Seven is at the Uptown hatch this week!

The question of the day is. If you had to live on either the Lost Island, Gilligans Island or Fantasy Island which would you pick and why? And please do give specific reasons. This to me is a very important question. See ya.
-PRod

The Lighthouse...or...Thank God Sawyer Stopped Crying

The Lighthouse at Alexandria, the Lighthouse on the Island. Does anyone else think the writers of this show have gotten most of their ideas from ADD induced Wikipedia surfing? So, this was an amazing episode. Not only did Hurley have his best episode ever but Sawyer stopped crying. Hopefully, the first few episodes of rage and tears have secured Josh Holloway the Emmy he was going for. Personally, I think Terry O'Quinn has a "lock" on it for his stupendously awesome Locke/Flocke/Smocke characterization...but that's just me. Truthfully, I think I'm most angry at Sawyer's crying because it makes me want to sleep with him less. I too vacillate between my love for Sawyer and Jack (Sometimes Locke...daddy issues) and I don't like it when a clear choice is presented to me as has been so far this season. Anyway, I love you again Sawyer.

How awesome was Hurley this week? "I just lied to a Samurai!"...best line ever! At the weekly viewing the Oceanic Seven screamed in unison at that line. Hurley had the most awesome writing this week. Take note world: there is never a bad time for a Star Wars or Indiana Jones reference (Unless you are George Lucas...who we officially prohibit from touching either franchise EVER again!) .

Re: Jack's flash sideways...I have to be honest people, I like this Dogen guy but I don't want to get attached to another character. I already have too many people to care about on this show, so I don't know why we needed him in Jack's sideways deal. Also, the Oceanic Seven spent the whole episode speculating as to the identity of Jack's wife in this reality...Z insisted it was Kate which we all roundly denounced because it's impossible but the tiny cute greek kept saying it, so next week one less wine for her. Even though it's probably spinal surgery girl it could be Juliet instead...which will make MP and I sick if its true.

I'm enjoying the new Clairousseau storyline...the skull in the basinet was a nice touch.

I would just like to point out that in the Lighthouse the "108" dial had the name Wallace next to it...which is my last name...clearly, I'm a candidate.

In case you care:
Z-hosted this week and the fried ravioli was really good. There was WAY too much wine, we were definitely a bit drunk and I am positive I said "I love you people!!!" too many times...whatever...i'm inhibited in real life. We also had tiramisu. Thanks, Z we had a good night. Next week Uptown.

I love you people
-deb